


The Avengers need better PR than this!

by ShadowsintheClouds



Series: Avenging is a family business [3]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bets & Wagers, Ceiling Vent Clint Barton, Deaf Clint Barton, Domestic Avengers, F/M, For Science!, Inappropriate use of social media, Instagram Stories, LGBT rights, Lip Sync Battles, M/M, Rube Goldberg machine gone wrong, Snap Chat, Team Bonding, Team as Family, The tales of rogue dorito man, Tumblr, YouTube, fan mail, pool noodle battles, the infamous Budapest mission, tone deaf clint, vine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-04-21 16:40:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14289036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowsintheClouds/pseuds/ShadowsintheClouds
Summary: What happens when you take two master assassins, a demi-god, a man with breathtaking anger management issues, a living legend who kind of lives up to the legend, and a genius single father and make them live under one roof relatively unsupervised. Calamity. That's what happens. Follow the adventures of Earths Mightiest Heros as they show the world that they are... decidedly not heroes.This work is part of a series and I highly recommend that you read the main story, "More Than He Seems", in order to understand the plot and some of the jokes. Enjoy!





	1. Smack Cam!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey ho! So, I've made a Tumblr to go along with this series,  
> [hawkvengerpr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hawkvengerpr) It's all written from Clint's perspective and how he has to deal with all the crazy. I recommend checking it out. I hope you enjoy!

It was Natasha’s fault! All of this was her fault! If she hadn’t spent all night on the internet, Clint wouldn’t be in this mess to begin with. You see, it all started when Natasha pulled an all-nighter by accident. She had fallen down the rabbit hole that was Vine. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem. It was just the fact that this whole thing gave Natasha ideas. Natasha and ideas are generally a good thing, except when those ideas cause trouble.

It was a sunny day in June when Tony made his way down to the kitchen. All he wanted a cup of coffee. He’d been up all night designing new arrows for Clint. That idiot always needed more arrows, and normally, Tony was happy to make him some. Unfortunately, recently Clint was being a whiny baby about it and Tony was fed up. His infant son was less winey than Clint! So, to get this behaviour to stop, Tony had pulled an all-nighter in the lab to get them done. What he did not expect to see, after a 10-hour work bender, was Natasha in the kitchen grabbing a can of whipped cream out of the fridge with an evil smirk on her face.

“Do I even want to know?” asked Tony

“Yes, you do. You’re now my partner in crime.” Tony raised an eyebrow quizzically. “You know how we have a team Vine account, right?” Tony nodded. Where was this going? “Well… There’s this new trend called “Smack Cam”. You put whipped cream on your hand and smack someone with it when you least expect.”

“You doing it to Clint?” Natasha nodded. “Say no more. I’m in!”

So, this is how the war started, with a bad idea and a sleep-deprived cameraman. Tony pulled out his phone and was ready to go. Natasha put the cream on her hand, made a shushing motion to the camera, and snuck up on the unsuspecting archer who was making his way down the hall. An echoing smack and a call of “SMACK CAM!” were heard as the duo ran to the elevator leaving a stunned Clint in their wake. The video had thousands of views by the end of the day.

Tony was next. He got Thor to be his cameraman. He snuck up behind Clint during movie night. They were watching “The Breakfast Club” when Tony and Thor came up behind the archer, smacked him in the face, and ran for safety. The video went viral.

After Tony was Thor. Thor had dragged along a reluctant Bruce to be the one manning the phone. Poor Clint had no hope. Thor ambushed him in the gym while Clint was doing pull-ups. There was a loud smacking noise followed by an apology from Bruce before they booked it out of the room. Poor Clint was just getting confused. Why was everyone slapping him and filming it? Clint had no idea that these videos were going so viral.

Steve was the next person to slap Clint. I didn’t take much persuading from Tony for him to do it.  _“All the kids are doing it, Steve. It’s part of the future. The other day you were telling me you wanted to be more modern, well… here’s your shot!”_ So once again Tony was cameraman extraordinaire, Steve got to “integrate himself into the future”, and poor Clint was left confused with more questions than answers. Now, if poor Clint had bothered to look at any of the teams’ joint social media accounts, he would have seen what was going on. Clint tried to stay away from that stuff. He could barely figure out what Lilia and Cooper were talking about as it was, he didn’t need to add his teams crazy into the mix. So poor Clint remained ignorant of what was going on. All he knew was that this was Natasha’s fault and that she was going to pay dearly.

It was late June when Clint decided to strike. He recruited Bruce to film for him and staged the scene. It was team movie night, they were watching The God Father. Thor had made a nest out of a bean bag chair, Steve and Tony were on the couch with Tony’s son Carter on his lap. Bruce was in the far chair with a great view of Natasha who was directly across from him, her back turned to Clint. The movie was in full swing. Clint excused himself to get a snack from the kitchen. He prepared the whipped cream while Bruce discretely got out his phone. He snuck up behind his victim. Just had he was about to strike, he was met with resistance. He looked down and Natasha had GRABBED HIS HAND! No fair! Before Clint could do anything about this, Natasha proceeded to hit Clint in the face with his own cream covered hand. Clint walked away in a huff and the video Bruce uploaded proceeded to break the internet. Clint should have learned, you can’t mess with the Black Widow and survive with your dignity intact.  

     


	2. Home is a crazy place!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small look into the home life of the Avengers.

One of the biggest questions people asked the Avengers was “How do you guys train?” It was honestly a good question. With a team filled with equal amounts of brain and brawn, the general public wanted to know what that looked like. The Avengers, however, disagreed. Why let people know their secrets. That’s how the villains get to know too much. The public didn’t get the memo on this and everyone’s twitter feed was full of people asking them to show off their muscles. The pestering had gotten so bad the even Steve, who normally responded to almost any question, was forced to turn off all his notifications. Eventually, the team gave in and that’s why Steve and Thor were currently in the boxing ring with pool noodles while the rest of the team were on the sidelines.

“If we're going to do this, let's try to get it right the first time.” Said Bruce. He had been the one trusted with the camera. This was going on the internet after all, and Bruce was less likely to shake the camera because he was laughing. The team nodded and got into position while Bruce turned the camera on himself.

“This is what happens when you let a bunch of 8-year-olds do training together.” The camera panned over to Steve and Thor as the proceeded to beat the ever-loving shit out of each other using bright pink pool noodles while Natasha, Tony, and Clint cheered on the sidelines. Needless to say, the video went viral within minutes with many people questioning how the fate of the world was placed in the hands of a bunch of children.

***

Even after Afghanistan and becoming Iron Man to atone for his wrongdoings, Tony Stark still had his fair share of very vocal haters. The vast majority of them being raging homophobic monsters. Even Steve’s impassioned speech during their press tour wasn’t enough to silence them. A stupid amount of comments on their “training video” were bigots making fun of Tony because he helped Steve up after the fight with a stupid grin on his face. Steve was his boyfriend and looked incredibly hot in his work out clothes alright. Cut the man some slack. However, the world at large didn’t know they were even dating. It had only been a month and a half since their little skirmish with Aldrich Killian and HYDRA that had ended with them sharing their first kiss. Neither of the two were quite ready to share their little secret with the world. And, really, Tony didn’t really care about all the hateful comments. He was used to it. They hurt, but they weren’t the end of the world. These stupid bigots had no barring on his love life. They did, however, affect Steve.

@captainamericafan_ how could captain America, the embodiment of goodness, associate himself with a faggot like @tstark?

@armsandhammers  how could they even let a man like @tstark on the team? He’s nothing but trash

@thebronyking69  @tstark can go die in a hole. I don’t care if he has a kid. that kid deserves better than him

Most of the comments followed the same stream of idiotic consciousness. Again, Tony was unfortunately used to this. Steve was not. Every time he saw one of these comments he would either get angry and have to punch something, or he would go and snuggle with Tony and Carter just to let so that Tony knew how much he was loved. Tony loved feeling so loved and cherished, so, that’s how he thought up his newest idea. Fight the hate with love.

“We should kiss and put it on the internet.”

“I’m sorry. WHAT?” asked Steve as he looked up from his sketchbook.

“We should kiss and post it on Twitter. Fight all the hate with love and all that.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Even if things go wrong, which they won’t, we’ll protect each other. And I know for a fact that anyone who wants to hurt us would have to go through the team before they even got to us. I don’t think anyone could take on Natasha and live to tell the tale.” Said Tony and he plopped himself down on Steve’s lap and gave his cheek a kiss.

So, that night Tony and Steve posted a picture on their Instagrams. They were locked in a sweet, chaste kiss and the two were flipping off the camera. Underneath were the captions;

@captain_america_official We are all human. Why hate one another when love exists #loveaboveallelse

@tstark Screw the haters. #loveaboveallelse       

The internet was left in tatters. Some people thought the whole picture was a publicity stunt. Others thought that it was in support of LGBT rights. They were correct but that also wasn’t the whole story. A small minority, however, got it correct the first time. That Tony Stark and Steve Rogers were dating and very much in love. There were many debates going on and Steve and Tony stayed tight-lipped about the whole affair. Either way. #loveaboveallelse was trending for weeks after.

***

While the internet was going crazy over the Avengers, Thor saw this as an opportunity to educate the people of Midgard about Asgardian customs. He recruited Clint to help him make one of those YouTube videos that were all the rage here on Midgard. Thor was a prince. It was his sworn duty to help educate others to eliminate the hate and fear generated by ignorance. 

Thor made sure he had everything ready to go. A good teacher must always be prepared. Off to the side, Thor had a few different pieces of traditional Asgardian clothing and armour laid out on the couch. On a table nearby were a few weapons that he planned to show off. In the kitchen were piles of food that were just waiting to be cooked into some traditional dishes. Natasha was on standby to help cook. It wasn’t a sexist thing. Natasha just happened to be in the room when Thor was telling Clint about his video idea and volunteered to help out. Thor was super excited. Everyone had been so helpful in helping Thor understand Midgardian culture, so now it was time to repay the favour. Thor gave a thumbs up to Clint behind the camera letting him know that he was ready to start.

“Hello, Midgardians! My name is Thor Odinson of The Avengers. As many of you may or may not know, I come from the planet Asgard. Now Asgard is a fair bit different than here, so today with the help of some of my friends, I am going to teach you a bit about Asgardian culture.” Thor flashed a big goofy smile at the camera and walked over to the table with clothing.

“Here we have some typical clothes that you would wear on a day to day basis.” He pulled out a few coloured tunics and showed them off to the camera. Next, he grabbed some armour to show off. “Now this is some of my personal battle armour. It is made out of the highest-grade metal you can get on Asgard. This is because I am the crown prince. The normal armour for our warriors is made out of a special puncture-resistant mail of the highest quality.” Thor dressed himself in his personal armaments and, as per Clint’s suggestion, performed a bit of a fashion show for the camera with Clint laughing his ass off in the background. It was at this time that Bruce decided to emerge from his lab. He took a look around the room taking in the scene. Clint and Nat were laughing behind a camera while Thor walked around the couch like a supermodel. Whelp, back down to the lab with him. Bruce had to deal with enough crazy having Tony as his lab partner.

“Now friends, these are some traditional weapons. This here is my hammer, Mjolnir! She helps me control my lightning. Only those who are worthy may wield Mjolnir.” Thor tossed the hammer into the air with a flourish to show off. He then began to bring out different swords, shields, bows, and arrows and gave detailed explanations of each piece. Even Clint learned something new.

Last but not least was the food. Clint set the camera up on the counter and went to help Nat and Thor prepare the kitchen. Once everything was set up, Clint went back behind the camera and gave them the thumbs up to start.

“Now, with my friend Natasha, I am going to teach you a bit about Asgardian food. We at like warriors, with lots of meat and starches. Now the closest you here on Midgard have to what we eat is steak and potatoes. So today I’m going to make a dish called Kroppkakor. Natasha, if you would pass me the potatoes please.”

And that’s where things began to go downhill. You see, when Natasha picked up the formidably large sack of potatoes, it was already open. She flung the sack over her shoulders with the opening facing down. Potatoes fell out in droves. They were all over the floor. The kitchen floor was literally covered in potatoes. Nobody could contain their laughter. It was just ridiculous. Fortunately, the rest of the video was smooth sailing from there. It was number 1 on YouTube for a week straight.     

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the link for the [recipe]() that Thor made!


	3. For the sake of SCIENCE!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony gets bored and drags Bruce into his mess. Explosions insue.

“Tony! What the hell are you doing?” asked Bruce as he walked into their shared lab space. It looked like Tony was setting up a complex pully structure out of scrap metal and twine.

“Making a Rube-Goldberg Machine.” Said Tony not taking his eyes off his work. 

“Why?”

“Why not. DUM-E pass me that wrench.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be working on that project for Pepper and that’s why you left Carter with Steve for the afternoon.”

“Carter can spend time with his Papa without needed a reason. And that projects not due for another week. I needed a break from all the crazy, so, I thought I’d make my own crazy.”

“Remind me why I share a lab space with you?”

“You love me Brucey-bear. So… you want in?”

“What the hell.” Huffed Bruce. “Where do you want me?”

So, Bruce and Tony proceeded to spend the next 3 hours setting up the most ridiculously complicated Rube-Goldberg machine they could muster. It covered most of the lab floor to ceiling. There where pullies, leavers, inclines, gears, a just about anything else you could think of. It was a work of art. A masterpiece. A work of science fiction. It looked wonderful.

“Should we get Clint down here to film this?” asked Tony as he set the last domino in place. Bruce nodded, and they used JARVIS to call a very confused Clint down to the shared lab to film their monstrosity. Tony shoved a camera into Clint’s hands and instructed him to film their crazy “little” contraption.

“You guy’s ready?” asked Clint from his perch by the window. Tony and Bruce gave an enthusiastic thumbs up as Clint turned the camera on.

“Tony Stark.” Tony pointed to himself. “Bruce Banner.” He pointed at Bruce. “Overly complicated Rube-Goldberg machine just to open the drawer where we keep the socket wrenches. GO!”

And with that Bruce knocked over the first domino in the set of 1000. They cascaded down around the lab with a noisy elegance. The last one fell and hit a ball that rolled down a track just to hit another one. That one landed on a pully that pulled it to the roof of the lab. Gears turned and ticked, and more balls rolled around the lab knocking over books, sheets of metal, and random tools they decided to use. It was a cacophony of madness.   

Unfortunately, things went wrong from there. You see, the trajectory Bruce and Tony had calculated for one of the smaller balls was just a little bit off. So, instead of the ball landing on the track like it was supposed too it landed on the switch for one of Tony’s hand torched. That particular torch was right next to a 0.3L tank of fuel. You can probably guess what happened next.

The resulting explosion was small by Tony’s standards, but it was enough to destroy the rest of their machine in a spectacular fashion. When the duct cleared Bruce was blinking like an idiot, Clint was clutching the camera for dear life, and Tony was laughing like a true mad scientist. The resulting video was number 1 on YouTube for a week and the world continued to question the sanity of The Avengers.  

 

 


	4. The tales of Rogue Dorito Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint starts a blog!

Clint had discovered Tumblr. Well, he didn’t really discover it. His son showed him. So, what did Clint do with this new information? He started a blog of course. One where he could tell the world about what being an Avenger was like. And when Clint said the world, he meant the 16 people who followed him. 

It was a small blog. Nothing special really. Mostly Clint becoming a shit poster. What really got him noticed was his tales of Rogue Dorito Man and his boyfriend, Tin Can. They mostly followed on the style of those trendy Florida Man articles that Thor found so funny.

It was all in good fun. Nothing overly harmful was written about his teammates. Although, the fact that Bruce cheated on a test when he was little was information EVERYONE needed to know. It was Clint’s dirty little secret.

Until it wasn’t.

You see, living in the same building with a spy and a technological mastermind makes it hard to keep some kinds of secrets.

“Hey, Clinton! I found your Tumblr!” shouted an ecstatic Natasha one day over breakfast.

“I’m sorry… WHAT?” Clint spat out his orange juice.

“You didn’t hide it very well. Didn’t take me very long.” Smiled the assassin.

Clint looked completely shocked. He felt so stupid. He didn’t even try to deny his blog's existence. His mouth moved but no words come out. He looked like an idiot. Tony and Natasha thought it was hilarious and snickered at their friend’s pain.

“Cat got your tongue Bird Brain?” asked Tony. Clint wasn’t sure how to respond, so he just sat there angerly eating his pancakes.

The rest of the meal passed without incident until Steve asked a question.

“What’s a Tumblr?”

Poor Clint was mortified.

And he continued to be mortified when his whole team posted the link to his blog on Twitter.

@avengers_official Check out this blog our dear friend Hawkeye made! @hawkvengerpr

@banner69 I was told to tell the world that this is a thing @hawkvengerpr

@thorgodofthunder My dear friend Clint made this funny thing to tell stories about us. I think it’s cute @hawkvengerpr

@captain_america_official Tony told me to post this link that Clint made. Apparently, it’s funny @hawkvengerpr

@romanov1 help me embarrass @hawkeye it’s all in good fun @hawkvengerpr

@tstark shall we embarrass @hawkeye today? It’s for science!! @hawkvengerpr

Needless to say that Clint couldn’t even think about going anywhere near the internet for a good week after that little stunt.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look it the actual link to Clint's blog [@hawkvengerpr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hawkvengerpr)  
> Enjoy to your heart's content!


	5. I Wanna Be Beyoncé!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Clint have a lip sync battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may or may not want to listen to these songs along with the story. They're in order.  
> [Single Ladies by Beyonce](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wsTogFALXg)  
> [Partiton by Beyonce](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNN9Uh1NzOo) (a little bit NSFW)  
> [Hips Don't Lie by Shakira](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWErisOfeyE)  
> [Livin' on a Prayer by Bon Jovi](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXsmGSnq3lE)  
> Enjoy fools!

Hearing someone singing wasn’t out of place at the tower. Tony would often sing to Carter. Bruce would hum classical music. Steve and Thor would sing war songs in their respective languages. Clint, on the other hand, loved pop music. So, when Clint challenged Tony to a proper lip sync/karaoke battle the tower went wild. They had a week to prepare before they live-streamed the following Sunday. Choreography and costumes were required. They could also choose a partner to help them get ready. Tony chose Bruce because he wanted to keep everything a surprise for Steve. Clint naturally chose Natasha as his partner in crime.

When Sunday rolled around the Avengers made their way to the gym. Earlier that day Tony had set up a stage, lights, and a curtain as well as placed any props he and Clint were using. It was going to be great. Bruce was in charge of all the technical stuff they needed to happen, Natasha was the MC, and Thor and Steve were just there to watch and to interact with the people watching the live stream while Tony and Clint got changed and had a moment to breathe. Once everything was set up and the feed was live, it was time to start.

“Welcome everybody, to the Avengers lip sync/karaoke battle. I promise you all that this will be a treat. Exactly one week ago, Clint and Tony challenged each other. We didn’t give them a whole lot of rules to follow but there were a few. First, costumes and make-up were required. And second, the lip sync song had to be Beyoncé, because who wouldn’t want to be Beyoncé! So, without further ado, here’s Clint Barton performing to Single Ladies!” announced Natasha.

Clint came out to the center of the stage. He was wearing dress pants and dress shoes. He wore a white button-down dress shirt that was opened completely in some vain attempt to be sexy. He had a shiny glove on his had they he found on eBay. When the song started Clint began to recreate the dance from the music video. It was pretty good for only having a week to work on it. Clint was a little sloppy and he wasn’t wearing heels, but it was good. He really tried. He was flexible enough to make it work. When he was done the Avengers clapped and cheered for him and the chat was going insane.

“Now ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Tony Stark performing Partition.”

What happened next made Steve’s jaw drop. The music started, and Tony made his entrance. And what an entrance it was. Tony walked out in a black, leather, strapless bodysuit covered with a pair of lace booty shorts. On his wrists were a few gold bangles and the whole look was finished off with thigh-high black heeled boots. The mic was able to pick up Clint’s “GOD DAMN IT!” from backstage, he was that sexy. Steve just sat there wide-eyed as Tony started to dance extremely sexily, complete with slut drops and a lot of booty. Who knew Tony Stark was so flexible? Steve knew this because they were dating, but DAMN! This was the single most sexy thing Steve had ever seen. And the chat seemed to agree. And when the French part of the song started, HOT DAMN! Tony got off the stage and started performing directly for Steve. Steve for the most part, kept his cool but was still blushing like mad. As the music faded out Tony sassily made his exit with a wink and Steve had to leave to go calm down. Yeah, that outfit was coming to the bedroom later.

Nobody in the room could hold it together. Thor was in shock, Steve had left the room to do who knows what, Natasha was laughing up a storm, and Clint was still swearing backstage. Bruce was unaffected because he HELPED Tony plan that monstrosity. Since he was the only one who still had their sanity, Bruce stepped in front of the camera to entertain people while the Avengers freaked out around him.

“I guess while my friends freak out I should entertain everyone. Whelp, that just happened.” Bruce laughed nervously. “I really don’t know what to say other than Tony wears booty shorts really well. Oh, look! Thor looks a bit less catatonic. Let’s have him entertain you all.” Fumbled Bruce as he forced Thor in front of the camera.

Thor talked for a bit and made jokes. Steve eventually joined him looking a bit dishevelled. He did something when he left that’s for sure. Once Natasha got herself back in order and was given the all ready from Clint they were able to start the singing competition.

“Well, that was certainly a show. Who knew that Tony and Clint could dance like that. Next up is the singing competition so hold onto your pants. First up we have Clint performing Hips Don’t Lie.” Announced Natasha who was still attempting to regain her composure.

When the music started Clint walked out barefoot. He was wearing a purple Latin skirt paired with a matching purple crop top because purple brings out his complexion thank you very much. He had a mic attached to his shirt, so they could pick up his singing as he danced around the stage and shook his hips in time to the music while coloured lights made patterns on the floor. Now Clint normally has a very mellow and soothing singing voice so him choosing Shakira was like choosing the hardest setting in a video game. Clint tried so hard. He really did. He didn’t sound that bad, he just couldn’t hit the high notes. Everyone cheered Clint on as he finished and took a bow. Everyone loved it and were happy to see Clint having fun.

“Well, Clint’s hips certainly do NOT lie. He wears a skirt really well. Better than me! Now last but not least we Have Tony performing Livin’ on a Payer!” shouted Natasha as Bruce had JARVIS pan the camera back to the stage.

Front and center there was a microphone on a stand with an amp next to it. When Tony walked on it made sense. He was wearing a nice black suit, no tie, with the top three buttons undone. Slung around his shoulders was a red and gold electric guitar. Now Tony was a genius and could play many instruments. Being a teenager in the 80’s, naturally, he learned guitar. Tony plugged himself into the amp and had the music start with Tony himself playing the lead guitar. He sang it perfectly with just a little bit of showmanship. If Steve wasn’t in love with Tony before, he sure was now. Tony had an amazing singing voice. Plus, watching his hands play the strings of the guitar was mesmerizing. When he was done Tony took a bow and Clint joined him to sit on the stage.

“Well, folks now that we’ve seen the performances it’s time to vote. If you’d look at the top corner of your screen you’ be able to cast your vote. The winner doesn’t have to do dishes for a week.” Said, Natasha, as the votes came flooding in.

Tony won by a landslide. He would have won by his lip-sync performance alone, but people still loved his singing. Clint admitted defeat as the video of Tony dancing to Partition went viral within the hour. Tony was happy that he didn’t have to do the dishes for a week while Steve was happy for a completely different reason.                     

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pst... Someone should draw Clint and Tony in their costumes. I would love to see it. catch me on Tumblr @ [hawkvengerpr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hawkvengerpr)


	6. Little do you know...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Steve come out.

The internet can be a magical place. A place full of cat videos and puppies. Of fail compilations and how to craft videos. Of funny stories and heartwarming tales. Yes, the internet can truly be magical. Unfortunately, the internet can also suck. People hating on other people. People spouting off their ignorance despite having access to information. (Looking at you anti-vaxers and flat-earthers.) It could be a little sad. So, the Avengers started a compliment war and tried to get as many people in Twitter complementing each other as possible.

It all started because Thor complimented Clint on a training video of his he posted. He hit all of his targets dead center in a matter of seconds. It was impressive. He wasn’t called Hawkeye for nothing. Clint decided to keep this compliment thing going and commented on Nat’s newest photo. She was showing off the new Widow Bites Tony made her, and she looked badass as always. Nat kept the train going when she complimented Bruce on his newest invention. That’s when things got just a little bit out of hand. Tony and Steve saw this as an opportunity to just outright flirt with each other over the internet.

@captain_america_official: Have you guy’s seen @tstark ‘s eyes! They’re so beautiful I could get lost in them for hours.

@tstark: every morning I tell @captain_america_official how good he looks. It’s the patriotic thing to do.

@captain_america_official: the sexiest thing about @tstark is his brain… and his ass.

The comments just continued between those two. It was hilarious to anyone who was not on the team. It did, however, reopen the “are they dating or not?” debate. Honestly, it was a bit annoying for the couple. The stupid bigots were at it again and this time they were getting to Tony. Normally they didn’t but this time… this time was bad. People could really suck.

“Steven.” Said, Tony, one evening while they were laying together in bed after a very spectacular round of sex.

“What is it, Anthony. Are you alright? I didn’t hurt you did I?”

“No, you could never hurt me. It’s just about everything that’s going on.” Mumbled Tony as Steve stroked his hair.

“It’s the assholes on the internet isn’t it?”

“I think we need to fight back again. I think it’s time to come out. I keep thinking that if we do it and own it and don’t show how much all the hate hurts, then maybe we can help make the world a better place for all the LGBT kids out there who need us. I don’t know. That’s just what’s going on in my head.” Said, Tony, as he rolled over to look Steve in the eye.

“I think it’s a great idea. I’m getting a little tired of hiding. I want to be able to take you out on a date every once in a while.” Smiled Steve. The two spent the next hour scheming before they fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms.

The next day they put their plan into action. It was time to add a little more goodness to the internet. That afternoon they got dressed up in some nice semiformal clothes before setting up a camera in their room. They had decided to make a video so they there was no way people would call it fake and a stunt. This wasn’t a stunt. This was about love and acceptance.

“Hey guys, this is Steve Rogers.”

“And Tony Stark.”

“And this is our coming out video.” They said that last part together.

“Now, I know that many of you are going to think that this is some publicity stunt. It’s not. I can guarantee you that. Tony and I are very much in love and have been dating for months now.” Said, Steve, as he wrapped an arm around Tony’s shoulder.

“I also realize that the fact that Captain America is dating a guy. Back in my day, this wasn’t allowed. Well, I’m more than happy that I ended up here in the future. Tony’s my fella and I’m happy we can be together.” Continued Steve as Tony smiled and looked down at his hands. He always loved it when Steve called him “his fella”.

“This doesn’t change our ability to be Avengers and save the world. It just means we fight with love and not hate. Nobody should be attacked for who they are, nor for who they love. I don’t get why that message hasn’t sunken in for some of you out there.” Said, Tony, as he reached to hold Steve’s hand.

“So the big thing to take-away from this video is that Steve and I are very much an item and we, the Avengers, will NOT tolerate people hating others for the simple premise of who they love.”

“Love you, Tony.”

“Love you too Steve.”

They ended the video with a small kiss and they posted the video on all their social media accounts with links to LGBT crisis websites. They got a lot of hate on the video, but the amount of support and love coming through vastly outweighed the hate. That’s when they created the Sarah Rogers Foundation. It was a foundation to help any and all LGBT youth who needed it. A little more love in the world is never a bad thing. 

 


	7. Picture (not) Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team deal with their thirsty fans

Objectively, the Avengers are very attractive people. It wasn’t really a surprise that when they posted pictures of themselves online or when they gave interviews online, that they received many many comments. They got a good range from beautifully flattering to completely thirsty. The nicer ones normally got a reply back. Those were the ones that tended to look like this;

“Steve Rogers is what a golden retriever would look like if it became a person.”

“Tony Stark is such a smol bean. So cute!”

“If I could braid Thor’s hair I would be the happiest girl in the world.”

“Can I be Natasha Romanov?”

“I wish that Hawkeye was my dad…”

“If Bruce Banner was my teacher than I wouldn’t be failing science.”

Those were the nice comments. Comments by genuinely nice people. Comments by kids who looked up to them. The Avengers liked those comments. Others, however, were a little bit more R rated.

“I want Thor to sit on my face.”

“Can Clint raw me? Yaaaas daddy.”

“I wonder what it would be like to be fucked by the Hulk?”

They got quite a lot of these types of comments. Everyone was a little weirded out by them. After a particular Buzzfeed interview with Steve and Tony where they had to find a way to draw the line. They spent weeks trying to figure out a way to combat all the thirst. Nothing worked. That was when Tony proposed an experiment. Each of them would post the ugliest picture they could possibly take and put it on their Instagram. From there they would look at the number of thirst comments to normal ones. Easy right?

Tony was the first one to post a picture. He had Carter go wild on his face with paint. To the other Avengers, he looked like a deranged clown. He posted it with the caption; “I let my son paint my face! I think I have a little artist on my hands! <3” The picture went up, and they waited.

Clint was the next brave soul. He went outside on a rainy day and covered himself in mud. Tony yelled at him about tracking mud through the kitchen but the resulting picture was unflattering enough that Clint posted it with the caption; “Mud Fight!” The picture went up, and they waited.

Poor Thor didn’t really get the point of the whole thing. He was proud of his looks and felt no shame. So, Thor just posted a picture of him giving a goofy smile and put a string of heart emojis as the caption. Either way, the picture went up, and they waited.

Bruce got really creative with his. He had Steve paint him to look like the Hulk. A very small Hulk but still the Hulk. Bruce posed like he was going to smash his laptop into the ground and added the caption; “TINY HULK SMASH!!!” The picture went up, and they waited.

Natasha didn’t bother posting anything. They already knew the outcome of that. She would be harassed no matter what she posted. Everyone hated that. You would think that after Natasha’s explosive speech at their very first press conference that people would have learned their lesson when it came to Natasha and sexism. They hadn’t learned at all and continued to be asshats. At least all the little girls out there had someone to look up too.

Steve was the last one to post anything. He was still new to the whole social media things. So, his lovely boyfriend Tony helped him out. Tony had Steve work out in the gym and Tony took pictures when he was making funny faces. He got a really good one when Steve was using the pull-up bar. One last time, the picture was posted, and they waited.

They waited a whole week before checking anything. They wanted to make sure there was plenty of time for people to see the posts. So, they waited. After a week they logged into Instagram to check on the posts and they had JARVIS give them the numbers.

9 out of every 10 comments were thirsty and inappropriate.

They just couldn’t win.           


	8. Never try to out drink a Russian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor losses a bet.

Dinking with Natasha Romanov was always an event. You don’t drink with Natasha for fun, you do it for the challenge. Thor, who was over 1000 years old on Asgard (around 23 in human years) and could hold his liquor like a champion, failed to listen to the warning given to him about his teammates.

“Thor buddy, I’ve drunk with Natasha before I quit drinking. We were at this party and she drank ME under the table. I was the worlds biggest alcoholic at the time and she drank ME under the table. I wouldn’t mess with her if I were you Pointbreak.” 

“Thor, before SHIELD fell I saw Natasha send 8 agents to the hospital with alcohol poisoning and she didn’t even flinch. I’d be careful if I were you.”

“Thor, I’m not a medical doctor. Yes, I have a bit of training and can help but if this challenge gets you sick, you’re on your own pal.”

“Thor, what you’re suggesting is possibly the worlds stupidest idea. Trying to go shot for shot with Nat is like feeding a gremlin after midnight. You won’t win. It’s a death sentence. I don’t care of you’re a god. It’s a god damn death sentence. Trust me, I’ve made the same mistake you’re about to when I was younger, and Nat and I had just met. Don’t go through with this if you want to leave with your liver and dignity intact.”

The challenge day was set, and everyone was ready to see what would happen. Thor would be providing the alcohol and Natasha would be providing the laughs. This was a big deal with a lot on the line. If Thor somehow won, he would have Natasha do all his chores around the tower for a week. If Natasha won, she was going to use Thor’s face to make a hair and makeup tutorial for YouTube. Natasha didn’t even like those videos. She just thought that it would we humiliating for Thor.

The night of the challenge, the whole team were gathered in the living room with medical on speed-dial. Nat and Thor were sitting across from each other in the kitchen, a shot glass in one hand and a bottle as some high-proof Asgardian alcohol in the other.

“You ready big guy?” asked Natasha. A sinister smile played on her lips.

“Naturally!” Thor smiled back. “May the strongest drinker win.” And with that, they downed their first shot.

“How do you feel Natasha? This drink is not for the faint of heart.”

“I’m good. No change. Let’s keep going.”

They took another shot. The rest of the team watched in anticipation. Thor and Natasha glared at each other. They took another shot. By the time they were at 5 shots, Thor was starting to feel a little buzzed. Natasha looked unaffected. They kept drinking. By the time they reached 8 shots, Thor was starting to feel dizzy and his eyes were a bit unfocused. Natasha just smiled at him. By the time they had reached 10 shots, Thor was pretty sure that he was going to pass out. Natasha was slumped just a little bit in her chair but otherwise looked just fine. At shot number 13, Thor fell out of his chair and passed out on the floor. Natasha was declared the victor and Thor was taken to medical to sober up.

“Well team I think we’ve found The Black Widow’s superpower.” Spoke Clint as Thor was carried away. “It’s not stealth or any of that. It’s the inability to be affected by alcohol. Even that 100 proof Asgardian stuff.” The team just nodded, and Nat smiled back at them. How was she even human?

Two weeks later saw Natasha and Thor setting up a camera and ring light in the living room. Thor looked a little displeased. Not at having his hair and make-up done, he was fine with that. No, he was mad about losing the challenge set for him. Thor never lost, and the fact that he lost a drinking challenge was just something he never thought possible. Never the less, he had lost and now had to pay the penalty.

Set up in front of the two, but out of the camera frame, were a whole bunch of different make-up pallets, foundations, lipsticks, and glitter. Thor was absolutely on board with the glitter. Thor loved the stuff. Whenever he was doing crafts with Tony’s young son Carter, Thor always made sure to include some glitter. Everyone else hated that fact that the glitter got everywhere, but Thor didn’t care. It was colourful, and it sparked. Who doesn’t love sparkles?

“Alright Thor, you ready?” asked Natasha as she checked the framing of the camera. Thor gave a thumbs up and they began.

“Hello internet, my name is Natasha Romanov and today I’ll be showing you a tutorial for my perfect Friday night look. Here today to help me is my friend Thor.” Said Natasha in an overly girly voice. It just sounded wrong.

“Alright, guys let’s get started. First, we need to brush out all the tangles.” Natasha began brushing out Thor’s hair. It wasn’t that tangled, but the brush still hit a few snags. Once Thor’s hair was tangle free, Natasha proceeded to give his hair that wavy, beachy look. He looked a bit like a cross between a surfer dude and a sorority girl at a luau.

“Alright friends, now that we’ve achieved our perfect hair, we’re ready to move onto the face. I like to start with this MAC eyeshadow, cool neutral pallet so that we can have a more natural base for the darker colours we’re going to add.”

Thor closed his eyes and let Natasha go to town on his face. He tried to keep from sneezing as Natasha’s hand brushed across his nose.

“Now for my personal favourite part, the glitter. I like to use MAC glitter gold for just a pop of sparkle.”

Thor kept his eyes closed as Nat applied the sparkly substance liberally to his eyes. Natasha than proceed to expertly put perfect winged eye-liner on top of his eyes. His face was starting to itch a bit. To finish off with the eyes, Natasha glues some massive fake eyelashes to his face.

“Now that our eyes are done, we can move onto the rest of the face.” Natasha continued her narration as she began to contour Thor’s face. Before it was all blended together he looked a bit like a clown. Once it was blended together he looked much better. After all the foundation was done, Natasha applied a deep red lipstick to Thor’s lips and he was done.

Once Thor was able to look at himself in a mirror he had to admit, he looked hella sexy. Natasha knew what she was doing. The video was later posted online with the title “Thor lost a bet” and the internet ate it up. All in all, it was good fun, and everyone had a good laugh. Thor even enjoyed it a bit, even if his pride still hurt from losing the initial challenge that landed him in this position.                  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to draw any of this. I would love to see your art.


	9. You've got mail!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team open some fan mail

The Avengers were no strangers to fan mail. They received it all the time. Sometimes they received hate mail, but those were weeded out before they even got them. Sometimes they receive thank you letters from the people they helped. Sometimes they received love letters. Often those letters were spritzed with the sender’s perfume and included undergarments. The team wasn’t too fond of those.

No, their favourite type of mail to receive were letters from children. The Avengers loved those. Those letters were always personalized with drawings and filled with lots of appreciation. These kids out there were the reason they all got up every day to do their avenging. They wanted to make the world a safer place for the kids out there.

The team made it a habit of sending signed cards back to the children who sent them letters. Because they got quite a few, Tuesday night was mail night. All the Avengers would gather around in the living room to go through their mail piles. The usual had snacks and some sort of cartoon playing in the background to keep Carter entertained.

“Guy’s, check this one out!” smiled Clint as he held up a picture. It was a picture obviously drawn by a small child. The drawing showed all the Avengers fighting some sort of scribble monster. In big red letters at the top of the page were the words THANK YOU AVENGERS! It was adorable.

Everyone on the team took a good look at the drawing. That kid was definitely getting a card signed from all of them. This was one of their favourite pass times. It was always nice. The team could just sit there and look at all the things sent to them. The kids of the world were always more appreciative than the adults. Kids thought that they were so cool. When they had interviews the team always made time to take pictures with kids at the end. The team also had a standing monthly visit that they made to the children’s hospital. Long story short, the Avengers loved kids and were more than happy to indulge them. It also helped a bit that three of the Avengers on the team were parents. That usually gave them a few points in their favour.

Mail was one of the few things that Tony really used to hate. Mail meant bills, or party invites, or business requests. Nothing he actually wanted to open. Now, since the Avengers were formed, mail time was an event. Mail time meant that the team was smiling and laughing. Mail time was awesome.

“Hey, guys! Look what I got!” Smiled Natasha as she held up a homemade Black Widow keychain. She immediately attached it to her car keys.

Thor held up a small replica of Mjolnir and showed it off to the room. Clint freaked out when some high school kid sent him some handcrafted arrows. Bruce often got young students science papers and he was more than happy to edit them and tell them how they could be improved. He liked helping the next generation of world changers. Steve often received drawings of his shield and the American flag. Those were mostly done by elementary school students. And Tony, Tony received a tone of thank you letters and letters of admiration. Especially from teens who got into substance abuse because if Tony Stark clean up his act and become Iron Man and fight evil, then they could stop using and get back to school.

All in all, the Avengers were floored by the amount of mail they received. It made them genuinely happy to see that they were making a difference in peoples lives. And, at the end of the day, that’s all they wanted to do, even if it was just a small difference. If they were making the world a safer place, then they were happy.         

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter after this. I promise that it'll be a good one. See you all soon!


	10. What REALLY happened in Budapest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened during the infamous Budapest Mission mention in the first Avengers movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This final chapter is dedicated to Katia MacAlpine. You’ve commented such nice things on all my works in this series and it makes me want to continue writing. Your support means so much. Your love of Hawkeye (Hot Guy) is what inspired this chapter. So, with that, I give you… The Budapest Mission!

The team were all seated around the table enjoying a nice family dinner after a crazy day of storming HYDRA bases. The had located it off the coast of France and they took the afternoon to clear it out. It was a simple mission, but it was hard work. So, when the team got home, having a nice stew to eat was the best thing on the planet.

“Alright, Natasha! Cut it out!” shouted Clint as Natasha hit him in the face with a piece of dinner roll. She just smiled and threw another piece. “God stop it! It’s like Budapest all over again!” Natasha laughed and continued her dinner.

“Alright, you two.” Said, Tony, after he finished his bite. “You keep bringing up this Budapest mission over and over again. I think it’s time you spill the beans.”

Clint and Natasha shared a look before Clint started speaking.

“Well…”

***

“Clint are you sure that was the right turn?” Asked Natasha as they drove down an empty dirt road.

“Yes, Nat. For the last time, I’m sure.” Bitched Clint as his hands gripped the steering wheel harder.

The two assassins were heading to a rendezvous point that Nick Fury had set up for them. They were wrapping up a mission in Croatia and they had to dive through Hungary to get to their rendezvous point in Slovakia. Their mission had been simple. They had to go in and extract some information from a known terrorist cell without leaving any witnesses. It was easy. They were in and out in no time and on the road within a few hours of starting the mission. Things were going great.

Until they got lost.

“Are you sure about this Clinton? This doesn’t look like it’s on the map.”

“Yes. I’m sure. See, there are even road signs here to show us the way.” Snapped Clint.

“Can you even read Hungarian?” Clint looked down in shame.

“…No…”

“Look, there’s a house up ahead, maybe they speak a language we can understand.”

That was their first mistake of the day.

Clint and Natasha pulled up to the house and got out of their car. After locking the doors, the duo made their way to the door and knocked as hard as they could. A large bear of a man greeted them at the door. Before Clint could even ask any question, the two assassins were knocked out.

When Clint and Natasha came to they were tied to some wooden chairs in some dingy basement. There were no windows and the only light came from an uncovered light bulb hanging in the middle of the room. How very cliché. The room looked like it was pulled right out of a 1980’s gangster film.

They waited for another five minutes for anyone to show up. They couldn’t really devise an escape plan if they didn’t know what they were up against. At the end of five minutes, the door was flung open so hard the wood splintered at the hinges when the door hit the wall.

Their captors consisted of the bear man from before, a tall muscly man, a short dude with bright red hair, and a man in a suit who was obviously the man in charge of all this madness. The man in the suit started spouting off something in Hungarian, the one language that neither Natasha nor Clint spoke. He was yelling and neither Clint nor Natasha were listening. Now that they knew what they were up against they could plan their escape.

The big bear man started to make his way over to the duo. The boss man must have ordered him to do something. He stalked over to Natasha and tried to slap her. Their captors must not have done their job correctly because, while the boss man was yelling, Natasha had slipped a secret knife that she kept in her sleeve into her hand and cut the zip-ties that bound their hands together. So, when bear man went to slap her, he received a fist to the face.

Between the two they were easily able to subdue their attackers. It was almost comical how easy it was to overtake them. The boss man had fled the room at the start of the fight and was noticeably absent as Clint and Tasha made their way out of the room they were held in and down a surprisingly long hallway.

“What do we do now?” whispered Clint as the came upon a door.

Natasha just shrugged, and they proceeded to open the door. Inside were so many guns. There were boxes stacked floor to ceiling just filled with everything from rifles to handguns to literal flamethrowers. The walked into the room to get a closer look. Some of the more expensive looking weapons held the Stark Industries logo. That was particularly odd because Tony Stark had disappeared a month ago when his convoy was blown up in Afghanistan. They would have to save that information for later.

While the two trained assassins were looking over the weapons, they fail to notice that one of the goons from earlier had entered the room and had a gun trained on them. He was able to take two shots before they even had time to react. Luckily the goon as a poor shot and the bullets didn’t hit anything major. Natasha’s left shoulder got grazed and Clint’s right leg was going to be fine after they got a band-aid on it. Because they were in a room full of weapons they were able to use that to their advantage. Natasha was the smart one and grabbed a handgun. The goon was taken out with precision accuracy. Clint was… not as smart.

You see, when he and Natasha were scrambling to get weapons when the good was shooting at them Clint didn’t grab a gun. No, Clint Barton, Hawkeye, the man with amazing aim, had grabbed a flamethrower. How he didn’t realize it was a gun was astounding. So, when Clint pulled the trigger, flames shot out of the end instead of bullets. The room full of weapons went up in flames.

“Clinton Barton! Are you an idiot?” shouted Natasha.

“I thought it was a machine gun!”

“Whatever. This rooms going to blow, and we need to get out of here.”

“Could you please speak up!” shouted Clint as they took off running in search of an exit.

“Why?”

“I think my hearing aids are broken.”

“Are you fucking kidding me, Clint?!”

The two continued to run for an exit. They got lucky. At the end of the hall was a door that held a room with a window. They quickly made their way to the window and flung it open. It was a one-story drop to the ground below. Natasha went first and landed on the ground below with grace and beauty. Clint made his way to the window to jump next, but something caught his eye.

In the corner of the room was a large black duffle bag. It looked important. Maybe he had information, or guns, or medical supplies. Clint grabbed it and shoved it out the window. It landed with a loud thud and a cry of pain from Natasha.

“Mother Fucker!”

“Sorry…”

Clint jumped out of the window with the same grace exhibited by Natasha. He had learned to do acrobatics when he was growing up in the circus. He walked over to Natasha and dragged her and the bag over to a large black van that was there. It would make a good get-away car.

“What’s even in this bag? Why did you grab it? How is this helping us get out of here?” Complained Natasha as Clint tried to open the door to the van.

“I don’t know! I just saw it and it looked important, so I grabbed it to keep it out of the bad guy’s hands.”

“Well open it up. See what’s in it.”

“Well.” “Clint. What’s in it?”

Clint looked at Natasha in shame. “Meth.”

“You stole a kilo of meth?!”

Clint just shrugged and opened the car. He threw the duffle bag onto the back seat next to a closed cardboard box. He helped Natasha hobble into the passengers’ seat and was just hotwiring the van when the building exploded.

“Well, I guess that just happened.” Remarked Clint as the building went up in flames. Clint put the van in reverse and they drove off.

They drove in silence for about ten minutes before Clint pulled off to the side of the road to check on Natasha’s leg.

“I think it’s broken, Tasha. No doubt about it.”

“Damn it. Now I’m going to be laid up for a few months. That’s going to suck.” Complained Natasha. “So, what’s in that box in the back?”

Clint shrugged and got out to check. Clint opened the box and was surprised to find 12 bottles of some very expensive Cabernet Sauvignon. They’d hit the jackpot! Clint reported his findings and announced that they would definitely be having a party in the future. They continued on their way to the rendezvous point after that.

“I think we just blew up an illegal arms operation.” Commented Clint as he drove.

“You know what… I think we did.”

They made it to their rendezvous point on time and Coulson was furious. Not only did his best agents get themselves kidnapped, but they managed to break out with 2 gunshot wounds, a broken leg, a kilo of meth, and 12 bottles of very expensive wine. Well, they did manage to break up some illegal arms dealing so he couldn’t complain too much.

After that mission, despite how “well” they worked together. Clint and Natasha were sent on separate missions. Clint was sent to New Mexico a year later for this extraterrestrial thing, and Natasha was sent to baby sit Tony Stark who was dying from palladium poisoning. It was better this way. Furry didn’t need the extra paperwork involved when those two got involved.

***

“Are you two going to keep giggling to each other or are you going to tell us the story.” Asked an agitated Tony. They had all been sitting at the table for ten minutes watching the two assassins giggle and not tell them the Budapest story.

Clint and Natasha just shrugged. Maybe some stories were better left unsaid.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, look at that. My take on the never before seen Budapest Mission. With just a little tie into Iron Man 1. I hope you all liked it. This fic was a labour of love and I loved writing it. So, this is the end of this story. I just wanted to thank everyone for reading and commenting. Every time you do it just makes my day. This story isn’t the end of everything. Be sure to check out the main story More Than He Seems which is where all the backstory for these ficlets came from. Until then…
> 
> The Avengers will return.
> 
> -Shadows.

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Clint. Baby just can't catch a break. I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter. I have so many fun ideas for this series. I can't wait for you to read them. Until next time -Shadows.


End file.
